Cabbie: I don't go to Chinatown, I don't drive wackos, and I ain't afraid of no ghosts!
Patty Tolan: [turns around and sees a mannequin right behind her] Was that there before? Please don't answer.
[the mannequin starts chasing her]
Patty Tolan: I said don't answer!
Patty Tolan: [about Rowan's huge transformation] What part of "small and friendly" did he not understand?
Patty Tolan: That's where I saw that weird sparking thing.
Jillian Holtzmann: What was it?
Patty Tolan: Baby, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't have called it a 'weird sparking thing'.
Patty Tolan: [as a ghost leaves on the subway] I guess he's going to Queens - he's going to be the third scariest thing on that train.
Jillian Holtzmann: [eating Pringles chips from the can] Just try saying no to these salty parabolas!
Erin Gilbert: Why am I operating the untested nuclear laser?
Jillian Holtzmann: You have the longest arms.
Agent Hawkins: Do you have any idea how many federal regulations you are breaking on a daily basis?
Jillian Holtzmann: One?
Agent Rorke: No.
Jillian Holtzmann: Two?
Agent Rorke: No.
Jillian Holtzmann: Is it one?
Jillian Holtzmann: Come here often?
Erin Gilbert: Sorry, hello. Who are - who are you?
Jillian Holtzmann: Holtzmann.
Erin Gilbert: Erin.
Jillian Holtzmann: I've heard terrible things about you.
Jillian Holtzmann: [smashes a guitar on stage and hands it back to its owner] Sorry. I can't buy you another one.
Jillian Holtzmann: [Holstering her proton thrower] Forgot about my new toys.
Jillian Holtzmann: [Twin pistol-sized throwers emerge from her pack. She licks one] Let's go.
Patty Tolan: [seeing a room filled with mannequins] Okay, room full of nightmares.
Kevin: Would it be okay if I bring my cat to work sometimes? He has major anxiety problems.
Abby Yates: You know what? I would love to let your cat live here with you, but I have a pretty severe cat allergy.
Kevin: Oh, I don't have a cat. He's a dog. His name's My Cat.
Abby Yates: Your dog's name is My Cat?
Kevin: Mike Hat.
Erin Gilbert: Your dog's name is Mike, last name Hat?
Kevin: Well, his full name is Michael Hat.
Abby Yates: I can't say that I'm allergic to dogs... so.
Kevin: You know, it's all right. He lives with my mum.
Mayor Bradley: Never compare me to the mayor in Jaws! Never!
[sees Erin pounding on the windows of the restaurant]
Jennifer Lynch: She thinks it's a sliding door. She thinks they're all doors. That's sad - she's a scientist.
Jillian Holtzmann: You guys, this is exactly how I pictured my death!
Basement Cop: Whoa, nobody called for a Clark Kent strippergram!
Kevin: [possessed by Rowan] "Clark Kent"? Oh, because of the glasses and the handsomeness.
Kevin: You know, an aquarium is a submarine for fish.
Abby Yates: I'm just looking for a reasonable ratio of wontons to soup, this is madness!
Jillian Holtzmann: [singing like Glinda in "The Wizard of Oz"] Come out, come out, wherever you are...
Tour Guide: Now, I'm gonna tell you something a little spooky. The morning of October 25, 1894, Sir Aldridge awoke furious when his breakfast was not waiting for him. So, he called to his servants, but none of them responded. Why? Because, during the night, one by one they had each been stabbed to death in their sleep. It was later discovered that they were murdered by his eldest daughter, Gertrude Aldridge. Sir Aldridge once wrote in his diary, 'I know God makes no mistakes, but I believe he may have been drunk when he built Gertrude's personality.'
Agent Rorke: Sheriff in New Mexico reports a UFO encounter, the crew of the S.S. Ourang Medan dies mysteriously, the entire town of Langville, Montana goes missing.
Jillian Holtzmann: It does?
Abby Yates: Okay, but we're talking about relocating. No one's being killed here. Right?
Mayor Bradley: They were turned inside out.
Erin Gilbert: Their skin is on the inside of their body?
Mayor Bradley: Their skin is on the inside of their body because their organs are on the outside.
Abby Yates: But, they're okay, right?
Mayor Bradley: Sure.
Jillian Holtzmann: I think they're dead...
Jillian Holtzmann: Ma'am, can you tell us where you got the world's tiniest bowtie?
Erin Gilbert: Uh, it came with the shirt.
Patty Tolan: It smells like burnt baloney and regrets down here.
Rowan North: [to the Ghostbusters] You shoot like girls!
Jillian Holtzmann: Safety lights are for dudes!
Rebecca Gorin: Safety lights are for dudes.
Rebecca Gorin: I hate doing that.
Jillian Holtzmann: [Holtzmann places metal collar attached to proton gun on Erin] Do you know your iron level?
Erin Gilbert: Mm-mm.
Jillian Holtzmann: It's fine.
Patty Tolan: [Presenting the hearse to the other ghostbusters] You get a car! And you get a car! And YOU get a car!
Tour Guide: The Aldridge Mansion is the only 19th century home in New York City preserved both inside and out. At the time of its construction, it was one of the most elegant homes in existence featuring every luxury including a face bidet and an anti-Irish security fence.
[Everyone notices a ghost perched on Patty's shoulders]
Abby Yates: Patty! Don't move!
Erin Gilbert: You got a, uh...
Patty Tolan: Nope, I'm tired.
Erin Gilbert: No. You got a...
Patty Tolan: I'm just gonna go ahead and take off. How about that?
Erin Gilbert: I, I don't really think that's a good idea.
Patty Tolan: No. I'm gonna take off. Don't piss off the ghost.
[as Patty slowly walks out of the crowd, a crowd member takes a selfie with Patty and the ghost]
Patty Tolan: Really?
Erin Gilbert: Holtzmann, come on!
Jillian Holtzmann: The hat is too much, right? Is it the wig or the hat?
Abby Yates: Have you seen a class 4 semi-anchored entity anywhere in the vicinity?
Graffiti Artist: You talkin' like a boat?
Graffiti Artist: Let me fix this.
[paints a red negation symbol over his cartoon ghost]
Graffiti Artist: There, "no ghosts allowed."
Abby Yates: We just gave a ghost a nuke, we should probably run.
Erin Gilbert: Kevin? That's a manly name! My name's Erin. With an E... for Every... thing you want.
Patty Tolan: Up above us was the old New York prison. It's the first place in New York that they electrocuted people. I'm telling you, it used to take so long that they just be like, 'Shoot em! We using too much electricity.'
Erin Gilbert: That book you're holding is utter nonsense. I don't even know how you got that. I thought I burned both copies.
Ed Mulgrave: It's on Amazon. Both hard copy and e-book.
Erin Gilbert: What?
Ed Mulgrave: It's on books on tape, too. Only, I know how to read.
Abby Yates: [Holtzmann is dancing to 'Rhythm of the Night'] I don't mean to DeBarge in!
Jillian Holtzmann: Is that by DeBarge? I thought it was Devo.
Famous Rock Star: [after seeing the dragon ghost] Sharon! I think I'm having a flashback!
Abby Yates: [seeing Slimer drive past in the Ghostbusters' car] Well, that thing is having the time of its life.
Jillian Holtzmann: Virgo. Avid skier. Gluten-full. And 100% jazzed to meet you.
Erin Gilbert: [the Ghostbusters are surrounded by giant apparitions] I'm not good in a fight.
Abby Yates: Well, here's your chance to work on that.
[after playing the "farting" EVP tape to Erin]
Jillian Holtzmann: Is it more or less disgusting if I tell you it came out the front?
Erin Gilbert: Proton guns are all well and good, but sometimes you need the Swiss Army.
[disassembling Rowan's device]
Jillian Holtzmann: I would have used aluminum but I'm crazy.
Abby Yates: I will kick the unliving crap out of you, and you...
[points at Slimer]
Abby Yates: ...and especially you!
Abby Yates: I have one wonton! I have a tub of soup and one split wonton!
Erin Gilbert: I'm sorry you're having a soup crisis.
Abby Yates: There isn't even any meat in there. That's just a carrot.
Rowan North: Charge the lines, create the vortex, break the barriers.
Martin Heiss: Why are you pretending to capture ghosts?
Abby Yates: It's really easy sit there and be the naysayer when you don't actually do anything.
Kevin: Is it the boobs you don't like? Because I can make them... bigger.
Abby Yates: [on Kevin] We like him, despite his many, many frustrating quirks!
[Patty jumps into the mosh pit, but the crowd moves away, causing her to crash to the ground]
Patty Tolan: Okay, I don't know if it was a race thing or a lady thing, but I'm mad as hell.
Abby Yates: We have over a hundred comments already. And they're not all crazies. Come here, I wanna show you this. Read that.
Erin Gilbert: Ain't no bitches gonna hunt no ghost.
Patty Tolan: Ah hell naw, the Devil is a liar! Get out of my friend, ghost! The power of Patty compels you!
Abby Yates: [on Rowan] It's always the sad, pale ones.
Abby Yates: We need to reverse the portal. It's gonna take an insane amount of energy!
Abby Yates: Come on Rowan, show yourself!
Rowan North: [disembodied voice] What form would you prefer I take?
Jillian Holtzmann: Uh, maybe something stationary. Like a bull's-eye.
Patty Tolan: Well I'll tell you what I prefer. I prefer something nice and cute, like a friendly little ghost.
Rowan North: [Manifests as the Ghostbuster's logo] Oh. Is that what you want? Something more familiar?
Dean: I will not let the 12-year reputation of this fine institution be besmirched by you!
Abby Yates: Oh, come on! Suddenly this place has a classy reputation to uphold? You're only dean now because the least dean went to jail.
Dean: Are you saying that I'm not qualified?
Abby Yates: You spell science with a "Y". And what's upsetting about that is I don't think you know that that's wrong.
Erin Gilbert: Let's go.
Abby Yates: Let's go.
Erin Gilbert: Oh.
Abby Yates: Oh.
Erin Gilbert: Did you want to...
Abby Yates: Oh, sorry. I'll let you. I'll let you.
Erin Gilbert: Next time.
Erin Gilbert: That stuff went everywhere, by the way. In every crack.
Abby Yates: It's a class 4 apparition.
Erin Gilbert: That's okay, she seems... peaceful. My name is Erin Gilbert, doctor of particle physics...
[the ghost throws up on her]